Monday, May 7, 2012

It's a Costco Jungle Out There

There are many perks to living in our modern day society.  We have microwaves, and vacuum cleaners, and 3-D James Cameron movies.  We don't have to worry about slaying buffalo for dinner or walking several miles to find clean drinking water.  But there is a dark side to all these amenities, a threat of danger that lurks in the darkest corner of our urban wilderness.  I am speaking, of course, about the Costco parking lot.

Costco, in my eyes, embodies the true paradox of American life because it satisfies our desires for both economy and gluttony.  But the high from paying just $7.99 for a huge tray of double chocolate chunk muffins can only last so long.  Sooner or later, you find yourself sitting on the couch covered in muffin liners and thinking, "Was the Price really worth the Cost…co?"

It is this paradox, this emotional roller coaster, that I believe makes the Costco parking lot such a dangerous place.  From the get go, customers are both rejoicing and regretting their decision to be there.  They want to get in and out, but know it probably won't turn out that way, so to make up for it, they look for a place to park their cars like a lion looks for an antelope.  They are out for blood!

I have almost been run down on my way into the local Costco on more than one occasion.  It seems the special combination of drivers only looking out for empty parking spaces and the fact that I can't hear a Toyota Prius when it sneaks up on me have proven nearly fatal.

Not to mention those warehouse-sized grocery carts!  I've sat in smaller things at Disneyland!  And yet, when people use those carts to push giant crates of Sunny Delight back to their vehicles, they seem to forget how large and obtrusive they really are.  How else can you explain why they're left all over the parking lot, just waiting for that one gust of wind to chase you down?

The world as we know it continues to get a little more settled, but not necessarily more civilized.  It seems we'll always need certain skills in order to escape the dangers of the Wild, natural or not.  It's a Jungle out there, people, complete with gallon-sized jugs of Miracle Whip.

1 comment:

  1. I must admit, those muffins are MIGHTY tasty! And shouldn't it be illegal to sell Miracle Whip in anything larger than pint size?!?
    Thanks for the laughs :0)