These were the kinds of thoughts I had towards the end of "Anything Can Happen Week." I had put some pressure on myself to come up with a truly scintillating installment of "Things I'm Gonna Do This Week" because I wanted to keep you all clicking and scrolling for more!
The week started out with a family barbecue, a flight to Los Angeles, a cold, The Hunger Games, all of which were perfectly satisfying. (Except for the cold.) But I didn't want satisfying. I wanted epic! I wanted my own bow and arrow, Katniss Everdeen!
I started feeling discouraged, sensing the shadow of my ever-looming deadline mocking me and my unwritable life. In my desperation, I realized there was only one thing to do. I had to do what all red-blooded American men do when they're feeling down on a weekday evening: stay at home and drink!
This, of course, required a bit of preparation. I paid a visit to the local Soda Pop Stop to pick my poison. Twenty minutes later, I left with no fewer than eight, non-alcoholic, non-caffeinated beverages. I was ready to get trashed.
But first, I ate a delicious vegan dinner.
When I got home, I pulled out a pad of paper and wrote down the list of drinks in an order that would allow for a smooth transition of flavors. That way, I could ensure my palette wouldn't be overwhelmed. I also left a place for comments about each beverage and an overall grade.
Four hours later, I finished. How did it turn out? Well let's just say after Drink #4, I took a short nap. After #5, I turned on Girl Interrupted. And by #7, I really wanted to brush my teeth. So basically, I was smashed outta my mind, yo!
Which leads me to my report card:
Jeff's Egg Cream Chocolate Soda (Yes, that's why I bought it…)
"Tasty! If you've ever wanted to melt down old Easter candy and drink it, this one's for you. And I don't think there's actually any egg in it." Grade: A-
Virgil's Root Beer
"For $7.99, I was expecting an extra special brew, but it's just Root Beer. Still, it's very smooth." Grade: C+
Sweet Blossom Rose Soda
"Light and refreshing, but with the slightest hint of cheap, little girl perfume."
Calypso Triple Melon Lemonade
"It tastes like a Watermelon Jolly Rancher, perhaps a little too much." Grade: B-
Plantation Style Mint Julep
"Strong carbonation to compliment the fresh mint taste. I want it to have a maraschino cherry." Grade: B+
Jeff's Egg Cream Orange Dream Soda
"This tastes like everything I loved about my childhood!" Grade: A+
Flying Cauldron Butterscotch Beer
"Let this stuff go flat, and it's totally what I think Butter Beer from the Harry Potter books would taste like." Grade: A-
Calypso Black Cherry Lemonade
"Officially my favorite lemonade. I'm serious." Grade: A
After I finished, I recycled the bottles and went to bed a little after midnight. When I woke up, I could remember everything. I didn't have a headache, and my pajamas were on.
So what can I offer you, the readers I've thought about so frequently during the past week? Well, besides a lovely list of family friendly beverages, I can also promise you this: regardless of whether or not we feel ready for something dramatic to happen in our lives, we don't always need to go out and create it. Anything can happen in life, but how and when it will is not necessarily up to us. Sometimes "Almost Anything Can Happen Week" is just as fun.